I was going through my blog reading list and came across a post that resonated with me. BeautyBeyondBones talked about looking within yourself to see what needs to be fixed or cleaned. It hit me that I have some areas that need a little overhaul.
The other day I was speaking with a friend who told me that I came up in conversation and as expected, it was about my singleness and how much others are wishing for me to find someone.
I imagine this is how many people see single women. However, I am not responsible for people’s stereotypes.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com – woman-train
I didn’t feel moved by their concern because as a single, people are so much more focused on your ‘happiness as a couple’ than they are interested in any other aspects of your life. It is hard to explain this to others who have never fully embraced life as a single.
It is hard to explain that my life has many facets and my marital status is not on the top of the list nor will the change to ‘in a relationship’ satisfy the other aspects of my life that I feel need to be overhauled.
At this point, I look at my life and I see a mess. A mess of uncertainty in all areas in which it can be overwhelming to know where to start to clean.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com wall-urban-reflection-dirty
As a single, people see your life in stanch black and white pre- and in-relationship. This becomes annoying instead of endearing. It’s bothersome because they forget that there are parts of your life that are not hinged on romantic affiliations. For me, there is a weight of concern for my aging parents, there is a struggle of dragging myself to a job that does not bring joy but not sure what career choice will, there is the search in finding my place that feels like home (something I really miss) and most importantly finding meaning in day to day life again.
Throughout all this, I am trying to clean up and correct deficiencies within myself. It’s not to perfection but to contentment
It’s crazy to think that when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I had it all figured out (I was single then too) – so I thought 🙂 . However, as life happens and I learn from each triumph and set back, in my 40s, I am struggling to understand the purpose of each day. A relationship will not magically solve all these things and make me a whole new fulfilled person.
Yes, now, I am finally ready for a serious relationship and I do know that I am willing to give what is required but this is still not numero uno on my list. I am a little busy trying to figure out how to be the best me possible with my here and now. I am trying to regain my emotional, psychological and spiritual footing. This will always be ongoing no matter who is in my life.
I am trying to forgive myself for my mistakes. I am trying to not feel guilt for making certain choices. I am trying to accept certain situations that are out of my control. I am trying to go easy on myself for my overall life choices. I am trying to feel reconnected to God and life. I am trying to do my part to clean up my soul.
It’s not perfection; it’s contentment
It is wise to remember that your contentment is not based on others. Sometimes, I would like to walk around with a billboard saying, Look beyond my single status. I don’t need anyone’s pity in that area but I could use your help in areas that will be beneficial to my growth.
What areas in your life do you need to clean?