or get up and find your resilience
Have you ever watched those movies when something bad happens and the unlikely survivor uses everything at his/her disposal to continue on day by day?
I love those movies because they teach resilience. An acquired skill which is in short supply.
It’s so easy to say “I just can’t” when it comes to things so far outside the comfort zone. A man who can’t imagine being a single father taking care of three children, a soldier who can’t imagine having a normal life with no legs, a single woman who can’t see a life without a husband and family, a victim who can’t see tomorrow.
I have accepted my terminal single status. I have never cried about it and seem to have predicted it since I was a child (eerie). People used to tell me “don’t say that” because it will come true. Oh well 🙂
In my last post, I lamented about the downside of being single – being my own nurse. Well, my rescue or assistance did not arrive, so my resilience had to kick in very quickly.
The upside of being dependent on oneself is being forced to throw out the word “can’t.” In the first two days of my post operative care, I had to sit on my kitchen floor rummaging through my fridge because I felt too weak and in pain to stand for longer than 30 seconds.
There was no calling the neighbour for assistance and all my reliable ‘help’ were hours away. I had to figure it out even if it meant crawling on my hands and knees to the bathroom (awesome sight isn’t it!).
Yes that sucked!
Yes, I had to take care of myself because I had no choice. Heavens, I used an old curtain rod as a walking stick for two days 🙂
Having a comfort zone is lovely – I like it; however, in order to see what we are capable of doing, we have to push ourselves outside that fence and trust that we will improvise when needed in order to carry on. Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on water.
BIG GIRLS & BOYS DO CRY
At some point or a few points later, you do curl up in the corner and cry. Why? Well, because you are darn human!
You cry because you are frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, people disappoint you, you disappoint you, you feel stuck etc.
You cry because it feels good just to let all that mess flow – you need relief – physical relief. Jesus wept.
Crying is not a sign of weakness but a momentary cleansing in more ways than one. It is you taking a break from being Arnold Schwarzenegger and allowing all the emotions (that were not useful at the time) to come out to play for a moment.
YOU CAN’T OR WON’T?
Can’t implies an impossibility to do something i.e. like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon. Won’t implies making a choice to refuse to do something due to fear or other reasons but mostly due to fear.
When people run away from something, they usually say ‘can’t’ because if they use the word ‘wont,’ it means they are choosing to avoid a situation. You know how us humans are, we do not like to take on unnecessary responsibilities.
Fear either paralyzes you or pushes you to move
A benefit to being single is you really do not have the option to say can’t when it comes to taking care of you and your business. There is no deferring it to someone else because there is no one else.
Tag, you are it!
Does the fear creep up and take hold of you when you think about that?
I watched my mother go from a very independent and capable married woman to someone who is 100% dependent on my father out of fear. It’s quite sad and frightening actually.
I see young people fall into the “I can’t” category because they are immobilized by their own perceived limitations and fear of stepping outside the comfort zone.
You have the choice – stay in your situation and curl up and die or find your resilience.
Yes, almost everything is easier said than done – welcome to life.