Curl Up and Die


or get up and find your resilience

Have you ever watched those movies when something bad happens and the unlikely survivor uses everything at his/her disposal to continue on day by day?

I love those movies because they teach resilience. An acquired skill which is in short supply.

Google Photo of COL Gregory Gadson, Ret

It’s so easy to say “I just can’t” when it comes to things so far outside the comfort zone. A man who can’t imagine being a single father taking care of three children, a soldier who can’t imagine having a normal life with no legs, a single woman who can’t see a life without a husband and family, a victim who can’t see tomorrow.

INDEPENDENT SINGLE

I have accepted my terminal single status. I have never cried about it and seem to have predicted it since I was a child (eerie). People used to tell me “don’t say that” because it will come true. Oh well ๐Ÿ™‚

In my last post, I lamented about the downside of being single – being my own nurse. Well, my rescue or assistance did not arrive, so my resilience had to kick in very quickly.

The upside of being dependent on oneself is being forced to throw out the word “can’t.” In the first two days of my post operative care, I had to sit on my kitchen floor rummaging through my fridge because I felt too weak and in pain to stand for longer than 30 seconds.

There was no calling the neighbour for assistance and all my reliable ‘help’ were hours away. I had to figure it out even if it meant crawling on my hands and knees to the bathroom (awesome sight isn’t it!).

Yes that sucked!

Yes, I had to take care of myself because I had no choice. Heavens, I used an old curtain rod as a walking stick for two days ๐Ÿ™‚


Image from the NetFlix movie Bird Box

Having a comfort zone is lovely – I like it; however, in order to see what we are capable of doing, we have to push ourselves outside that fence and trust that we will improvise when needed in order to carry on. Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on water.

BIG GIRLS & BOYS DO CRY

At some point or a few points later, you do curl up in the corner and cry. Why? Well, because you are darn human!

You cry because you are frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, people disappoint you, you disappoint you, you feel stuck etc.

You cry because it feels good just to let all that mess flow – you need relief – physical relief. Jesus wept.

Crying is not a sign of weakness but a momentary cleansing in more ways than one. It is you taking a break from being Arnold Schwarzenegger and allowing all the emotions (that were not useful at the time) to come out to play for a moment.

YOU CAN’T OR WON’T?

Can’t implies an impossibility to do something i.e. like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon. Won’t implies making a choice to refuse to do something due to fear or other reasons but mostly due to fear.

When people run away from something, they usually say ‘can’t’ because if they use the word ‘wont,’ it means they are choosing to avoid a situation. You know how us humans are, we do not like to take on unnecessary responsibilities.

Fear either paralyzes you or pushes you to move

A benefit to being single is you really do not have the option to say can’t when it comes to taking care of you and your business. There is no deferring it to someone else because there is no one else.

Tag, you are it!

Does the fear creep up and take hold of you when you think about that?

I watched my mother go from a very independent and capable married woman to someone who is 100% dependent on my father out of fear. It’s quite sad and frightening actually.

I see young people fall into the “I can’t” category because they are immobilized by their own perceived limitations and fear of stepping outside the comfort zone.

You have the choice – stay in your situation and curl up and die or find your resilience.

Yes, almost everything is easier said than done – welcome to life.

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5 thoughts on “Curl Up and Die

  1. I think, dare I start with those words so often!…that you ARE crying about your single status, in a way. After all, I am in the same boat but not posting a regular blog statement about it every week. ๐Ÿ˜› hehe It’s like you are Tom Hanks on that island or Tony Stark lost in space, making recordings for whoever finds his missing, damaged helmet. Someday, someone’s going to gather up all your messages in a bottle and say, “Look at all of these! And, they all pretty much voice the same woes of single-dom.”

    Yea…that thing about saying things and having it come true…can you and I start a therapy group about that? There is definitely something creepy going on with putting thoughts into the universe. Maybe it took this many years to have this level of awareness…and maybe we can still save ourselves and the planet before it’s too late. But, geez, it is freaky how I can say something and then see something quite similar take shape, almost like magic. [I have my theory of the TV companies that air Simpsons cartoons somehow tracking what I say like I’m some Truman Show.]

    Is that an upside or just something that makes you sound like a superhero. Is there just some manly musk that comes from saying things like, “If you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself!” Does that kick up some heroic wind and get the epic anthem playing? Cue the theme music.

    Ironic. I used an old curtain rod to support my broken arm when I fell…that was a bad idea because it damaged the bone further when I tried to use it like a lever. I thought I was applying smart science…instead, I was applying stupid pressure.

    I cannot cry so easily. Even if I want to cry. From my experience with depression and suicidal thoughts as a teen, I went through some stuff and dealt with some people who kinda beat some “tough love” into me which I did not like…but, over time, it kinda formed a scab in me, a scab that warned me about crying like a dam breaking. If I let myself cry without a shoulder to cry on…and, even then, I’ve been let down too often…I won’t be able to stop. So, like controlling use of a drug that can control or mess with you, I have to control myself and not allow myself to cry…even if it’s more cathartic than yelling at/with family who insist upon stirring conflict.

    If we’re gonna talk fear…well, I could go into a whole thing about suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, but…I was just thinking philosophically while watching the premiere of the latest Avengers movie. Tony Stark and…someone…have a lil talk about fear. And, I felt compelled to add that I think the key to being fearless is not thinking about what you can lose. When you see nothing to lose, you don’t have reason to fear. If you’re not worried about losing your life because you have faith your life will go as it’s meant to go in God’s hands, you can likely do a number of things like crossing a chasm on a shaky bridge or walking the side of a mountain without fear. If I do not think about losing my health to the sting of a poisonous snake or bug, I will not tremble when faced with one of those creatures; I will just be aware of what they can do and, hopefully, find a logical way to avoid being stung/bitten. Now, if only I could apply such logic to every other situation that gives me difficulty…including breaking the ice with a pretty face at the local book or grocery store. Not questioning how to broach the subject of age difference and such before hearing the alarms and steam jets sound and turning away with a red face.

    Some days, I swear I knew I didn’t want to be in this world and why I stayed in the womb “too long.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I never said single life was perfect. It has its good and negative moments. I like writing about some aspects of my roller coaster single life because there is more to being single that doom and depression. If I were married, it would have same roller coaster moments too.

      I have come to learn that whatever state you are in, you make the most of it. So, the upside is exactly that – the upside. No justification or super hero ๐Ÿฆธโ€โ™€๏ธ for being single – just figuring out life as a #1. There are too many โ€˜helplessโ€™ people walking around so, I am happy to throw out a few nuggets I have discovered in my older years – take it, make fun of it or leave it.

      Ummm…Sounds like itโ€™s time you start putting your resilience to good use. It seems you have survived a tough love family and difficult childhood/teen years.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know it’s not perfect…I don’t think any life is. You and I both, and probably other singles like even Charlize Therone…are probably looking at the alternatives and second-guessing ourselves. THAT’S what we could have?…but then look at those who fell apart. And, that one over there getting by on her own with the kids… But, maybe I could adopt… and the rest of those possible outcomes. Are any perfect? No. But, we still hold onto some perfect illusions, I guess, until, like adults who have no patience for cartoons and childhood things, turn their backs on “innocence” and become hard-nosed laborers without any imagination and everything is “practical.”

        Then, I guess we will both learn to be little leprechauns giving up our pots of gold. But, will you ever get my lucky charms? ๐Ÿ˜›

        Am I not putting my resilience to good use by supporting…or, at least, group-therapy-y-zing with you? ๐Ÿ˜€ Yea, I’d say my past has not been an easy one. But, people like to stick other cases in my face and tell me I have nothing to cry about.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Group therapy ๐Ÿ˜† I can handle that. Yeah my perfect illusion has a beach house and me retired with a visiting companion. Not very traditional but thatโ€™s the mindset I have been in for a long time ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ˜Ž

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Sounds lovely. We could be beach neighbors and visit each other’s tiny slice of paradise when we need company. But, I’d need my beach house to have forest access so I can hike in the shade without much concern for crossing paths with hazardous critters and plants. I love the beach, but I like my woods, too.

            Liked by 1 person

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