In my boredom and limited cable option, I started watching a Lifetime-esq love story.
You know the type: Boy and girl have baggage, they meet, have chemistry, really like each other, girl keeps hiding and running away, boy keeps chasing and chasing until she finally gives in, they get married and the whole town comes out to the wedding.
To be honest, I fast forward when his chasing and her resisting became ridiculous for any real world situation. As I was watching this movie, a few things came to mind
1. Lifetime movies and romance novels teach women the wrong things about getting into relationship. Running away repeatedly is not cute or healthy.
2. Constantly arguing and being oppositional are not romantic or healthy.
3. Being vulnerable is bad and to be avoided at all cost until the end right before marriage proposal – wrong!
Why are we so afraid to be vulnerable?
Common sense will tell you that laying your whole life out on the table to someone you barely know is a terrible idea. However, when this tight-lipped sort of behavior carries over into familiar relationships, it only creates distrust.
In the right atmosphere,
when you are open with someone,
it encourages that person to be open as well and forges a bond
When people think about being vulnerable, they usually associate that with putting their emotions out into the universe for the people who care about you to see the real you.
Emotions like love, care, pain, sadness, dissatisfaction, unfulfilled and frustration are difficult to share with others. However, they are necessary in the relationships in which you want to build trust, honesty and loyalty.
Trust means to be open
Trust means to lay your mask aside
Where is your mask?
Maybe it is me in my age of I-couldn’t-give-two-sh*t but I cannot muster up the mask the way I could in my younger years. Now, I am an emotional roller coaster which mimics the things going on in my life.
Guess what? I don’t care
If I am in a funny mood or leave me alone mood, people know it. I seem to constantly leave my mask at home these days. It must be something about getting older and being comfortable in my skin.
It slowly drains the soul
when you have to keep pretending
A marriage is unhappy but no one will never know unless you read extremely carefully between the lines
Someone is carrying too much on her plate but she smiles and says yes to another request
He can’t afford rent but dresses nicely for church every week
Someone with a new house and expensive car but can’t manage his money and has very bad credit
If you look around and even in the mirror, you can see the masks of ‘all is well’ that so many people wear to include yourself. However, if you listen very carefully, you hear the Freudian slip on rare occasions that gives away the difficulties that we all share.
The mask is like Instagram and Facebook,
everyone’s lives are always so smiling filter perfect
Who are you fooling? Yourself?
The problem with masks are they really are not for others. In reality, the true problem with masks are the less information the right people know about your issues, the less help you will receive. Give it time – when everything falls so badly apart that there are no more masks to hide behind – all that will be left is just embarrassment for pretending everything was ‘okay.’
Masks are about lying. Masks are about facade. Masks are about making you look better than you truly are. Masks are self-inflicted wounds which are dug deeper every time you wear them.
Mask help no one – not even you.
I had a very ‘messed up’ late teen in my office who lamented that he sees pictures of certain people on social media and he compares himself to them. Yet, he acknowledged that you cannot always believe what is posted but….
What was his mask? Not facing his reality and trying to find an escape into someone else’s snapshot of time in that person’s life.
What is wrong with those unpopular emotions?
People get so uncomfortable when you start to keep it real – emotionally real. People do not know what to do when you are not happy-happy-joy-joy. They want to cheer you up and hurriedly fix things ‘it will all workout,’ or ‘God will make a way.’
Even if it all works out later, it does not negate the emotions you are feeling at that moment. It is as human as Jesus crying.
People are going to judge you no matter what
but the people who care about you
will be there no matter what
It is okay to tell people to let you be in your emotions so you can feel them and work through them versus shutting them away as if they do not exist.
If you are feeling an emotion
It exists for you
If you are going through something
It exists for you
I always loved and will probably use Bob Marley’s line again: Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds – Redemption Song
Your mask keeps people out from the truth
but locks you in with your lies
What are you afraid of?