Are there any good men left?
That question was posed to me by someone who was looking for companionship but has entangled herself into some unsavory situations.
A few days before that, a man was in distress after finding out that his spouse was cheating with a married man for over a year. Yet, she said she still loved her spouse – he was feeling very confused.
“I don’t see this lasting for another 10 years” said a married man who had an affair because he had been unhappy for most of his marriage.
The Single Girl View
Yes! There are good men and women who are still out there.
The caveat is – finding only one who is compatible
I met a nice guy with a good and willing heart but we were incompatible on so many levels. I met another guy who seemed to possess some of the qualities I admired but the timing was not in my favour.
I am sure you have your stories.
The world is not devoid of quality men and women, the issue is finding just one who kicks off the spark and makes you want to dive in 100% without fear or reservations.
Instead, singles are running into and choosing dead end people who only take or they are hell bent on destruction of your soul. I pointed out to the young lady, who asked the question, that she was experiencing temporary gratification with long term ramifications.
Where is Ms/Mr Right Not Ms/Mr Right Now?
The disheartening situation is that the older you are the less likely it is to ‘run into that special someone.’ Let’s be honest, after the age of 32, most people are in relationships whether good or miserable. So your mating pool has dwindled significantly if you are in the mature years of your life.
So what are you left with? Even though I answered the question with hope, there was a part of me that believes the answer is like finding an elusive unicorn in a land of fairy-tale creatures.
It does not help that God forgot to write a how-to chapter on finding your mate in this relationship chaotic times.
Seriously, where is a ‘good’ place to meet potential Mr/Ms Long Term Right? This is a question asked by many who are looking or merely glancing through the window of romantic love.
In the game of running away from a self-imposed disaster to find some companion based relief, many people have gone down the seedy alley of getting involved with others who are not emotionally available.
‘The man who has parent issues and is taking it out on you is not emotionally available’
‘The woman who is trying to escape her unhappy relationship with someone else is not emotionally available‘
The guy coming out of a long term relationship is not emotionally available (as yet)
The person who has unresolved trauma is not emotionally available (as yet)
The person who shows you disrespect and does not have a similar life vision as you is not emotionally available (will never be).
Love Grows in a Garden of Honesty
Hands up for those of you who have or is in a relationship with someone who is not able to give his/her all.
You think it will never happen to you but it does. I have been there on both ends. It was not a good feeling to be #99 on the person’s important list. I have also been on the giving end in which I was not emotionally connected or invested and I could not give him what he wanted.
Either way, you are unhappy and will never be happy; you are unfulfilled and will always be unfulfilled. You will lie to yourself, to your partner and to others in order to ‘save face.’ The longer you grasp at thin air in hopes that the dysfunctional relationship will change, the more despondent you become and the more time you waste with later regrets. You start to lose pieces of yourself.
In both those situations:
I got out!
I learnt a lot from my errors
I took away some good things
No Good Answers
I have got nothing for you.
The couple who has been married for decades has no good answers on the magic to finding a good man or woman. God does not have a set answer either.
A friend got married and her pre-wedded desire was that her partner will make her life easier. Her life is significantly harder and she is more stressed since her I do.
In this life, you are not promised to live a healthy life with a man or woman. Your healthy and contented life are what you make of it with what you have.
Everyday, I see people who are married but I would not wish their relationships on anyone. We look at the married people and think they have it all together; however, when you give them the safe space to be honest, many are in some state of unhappiness. It’s their lives and that is what they are making of it.
People will tell you to wait – wait in faith, wait on God, your time will come etc.
However, I ask a simple question, what are you truly waiting for?
Are you waiting for your life to begin or continue?
Are you waiting for someone to show you how to love yourself?
Are you waiting for someone to help you live?
Are you waiting for someone to help you change?
Are you waiting for someone to save you?
Are you waiting for someone to truly SHARE your life?
When you find a good partner, you do find a good thing. However, to find a good partner, you have to find yourself first in order to be a good partner
What qualities make you a good partner?
What qualities make you a bad partner?