An acquaintance of mine in her late 40s has started lamenting about the dreaded menopause. She is in the beginning stages and apparently she is taking the change very hard. I know her well enough and I suspect that besides feeling ‘on fire’ due to hot flashes, she is getting a hard kick in the erotic zones in addition to a reality check on her feverish pursuit to hang on to her youth and sexiness.
Sexual Decline
As I chase 46, my body is slowly and loudly screaming “the change is coming! the change is coming!” A few of my friends have ran ahead and are giving me the PG versions blow by blow. I am experiencing age related aches and pains in my knees, hips and in the last year, my back (darn you). Sadly, I have joined the ranks of people who need Aspercream. In addition, there is significant impact on the lady parts.
In women’s discussions about menopause, the tidbits that they omit are the NC17 topics about the sexual side effects. About 1-2 years ago, I started noticing a downward slide in my sexual energy. Most women know that the monthly hormonal flux significantly affects sexual energy. Despite having a hysterectomy many years ago, my ovaries continue to do their jobs and it was very easy to tell when I was going through ‘that time of the month.’ Of course, there were other things that feed into the peak of a woman’s sexual energy.
I did not think much about it but then, I started to notice my vaginal well was missing a few buckets of raindrops. Suddenly, the conversation I had with my GYN a year prior came flooding back to me. She warned me that I was fast approaching the change threshold and vaginal dryness is a symptom. At the time, I thought, “I am not close to 50 so, it’s not a concern.” Wrong!
The sarcastic misinformed joke is on me.
For us single gals who are not in a current relationship and do not masturbate weekly, sexual decline will not be as detrimental in comparison to our more sexually active counterparts. (Digress moment: Being married does not mean a woman is sexually active). However, we are not ignorance of the fact that our once flourishing oasis is turning into a desert. Sexual energy is very powerful – it provides such a jolt of life even if it’s just for a short burst. There are health benefits for women too. It keeps the vaginal blood flow active. I do encourage to you to read about vaginal atrophy which I have talked about in previous posts.
The Loss
As I am noticing the decline, there is a weird feeling that I am losing something that was an important part of me. I am losing that easy sexual reactivity (ladies you know that tingly feeling 🙂 ), my moisture level used to require a change of underwear but now, there is tumbleweeds, and my all-around sexual energy is dimming.
In rare conversations with a very open woman in her 50s, she expressed the same issues as she is officially in menopause. We discussed lubricants and the importance of what this means to the vagina and sexual pleasure. Reviving our sexual energy is not as simple as swallowing a Viagra counterpart (if one exists). It’s hormonal. It is a combination of getting our physical mojo restarted and sorting out our hormonal upheaval brought on by the change.
Perimenopause
Menstruation fluctuations are usually the first signs of the change. However, since that was happily taken away years ago, I am relying on the other symptoms to gauge my walk through the womanly valley of darkness. Judging by other women’s description of hot flashes, I am not there yet nor am I looking forward to it.
At this point, I can only pinpoint the vaginal dryness and decreased sexual energy to indicate I am knocking at menopause’s door. Like everything else in life, things happen and you have to deal with it. This stage in my life is no different than other changes and I can honestly say it is not the most unsettling. While I am not fond of this part of aging, I still have to keep a balance with the things that I can control. Even at times, those things feel out of control.
Fighting 40s
For the ladies who are at the beginning of the change, it does not define you. There is no such thing as being ‘less of a woman.’ Education is the key to understanding what is happening to our bodies. For those women in sexual relationships, you have to share these changes with your partners. Unfortunately, our sexual warm-up time has increased and we need a little extra help and TLC to get our motors running at full(ish) steam.
Sexual health is just part of self-care in addition to the physical, emotional, spiritual and mental which are all equally important. Aging is inevitable but the aging experience is all about how we slide into life with lots of lubricant going forward. A toast to aging because so many do not live long enough to have these issues.
What are you noticing about your pre or menopausal body.
Blog for our menopausal women
The Unedited Version 
I can relate with everything you mentioned here, other than being single. I will be 51 this year and during the last 4 years, I’ve noticed the changes with my own body and it’s scary. It seems like only yesterday that I was young and giggly. However, I know that it’s something I can’t fight. The thing that scares me the most is my life ending before I’ve had a chance to taste success and see the fruits of my hands. Surely the Lord understands this.
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Cherie, I understand. I too do notice my body changes while the mind has not been affected by aging. I care for my aging parents and the topic of death is always present. This whole process can be daunting and scary at times.
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I totally agree. And the fear of losing your parents is so real! My father died in 2005 and that was so hard. My mother is still living. But when her time comes, I’m going to feel lost without her. I try not to think about it and to just enjoy the time I have with her.
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